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I have finally decided that I’ve been experiencing the loneliness of a heart away from its Lover for several years now.

At first, I thought it was probably just the condition of middle age man.  The restlessness of knowing that most of what I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime would never be achieved.  A grief, perhaps, over a life gone astray.

Last year, I began to think it might be the burnout I experienced following those intense years of leading the Burke Road church through very difficult times.

I realize now that all the work, all the activity, was only an attempt to drown out the cry of my heart longing for its True Lover.  Longing for a relationship with Jesus that goes so much deeper than mere Christianity. 

Through years of conditioning, I’ve forgotten (if I ever learned at all) how to be a lover.  I would really feel more comfortable if I were just a servant.  That’s what I’ve tried to be.  I might be able to learn how to be a friend, for friends still “do” for each other.  But to be a lover?  Even more, a pursued lover?  It may be more than my heart can bear.

But I know now that it is what my hearts needs — and even longs for.

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A Disclaimer:  Posts categorized “The Sacred Romance” should be read in context of the book by the same title, written by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge.  Understanding my thoughts may not make much sense out of that context.  By the way, if you have not read this book, I highly recommend it.

Good morning, Father.

The sky is so blue, and the air so still this morning.  The yard is freshly mown, evidence of your grace to us.  I enjoy the stillness of the morning and my morning cup of coffee.

Why does the dark overpower me, and lead me to desire the evil one?  How can I be so seduced by his wickedness, charmed away from your pure love?

Ah-Ha!  How stupid of me.  I’ve never seen it this way before.  I am not just committing this or that sin; I am committing adultery with the evil one.  I am unfaithful to my true lover.

The air stirs ever so gently around me; You are with me.  But I am nagged by the flies, the enemy distracts my attention, drawing me away to focus on little annoyances.  My life here in this world consumes me with non-important (but seemingly important) matters.  But they only distract me from my love.

Help me turn from this evil affair, and draw me to you, my Lover!  You have been gone for so long, and I yearn for your touch in the deepest parts of my heart.  I want to smell the fragrance of your purity, and touch the softness of your eternal skin.  To feel your breath on my face.  Please come and walk with me today.  Hold my hand and speak your love in my heart.

October 2017
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