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I have finally decided that I’ve been experiencing the loneliness of a heart away from its Lover for several years now.

At first, I thought it was probably just the condition of middle age man.  The restlessness of knowing that most of what I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime would never be achieved.  A grief, perhaps, over a life gone astray.

Last year, I began to think it might be the burnout I experienced following those intense years of leading the Burke Road church through very difficult times.

I realize now that all the work, all the activity, was only an attempt to drown out the cry of my heart longing for its True Lover.  Longing for a relationship with Jesus that goes so much deeper than mere Christianity. 

Through years of conditioning, I’ve forgotten (if I ever learned at all) how to be a lover.  I would really feel more comfortable if I were just a servant.  That’s what I’ve tried to be.  I might be able to learn how to be a friend, for friends still “do” for each other.  But to be a lover?  Even more, a pursued lover?  It may be more than my heart can bear.

But I know now that it is what my hearts needs — and even longs for.

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October 2017
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